ABC... all about me.

For the next 26 posts, I will be giving my opinion and thoughts on various nouns starting with a letter of the alphabet. For instance: topiary (which would be under "T"): 

Topiary:
An English garden cannot be complete without a topiary. I don't think the world would be the same without them, though honestly I don't think it would be too tragic for them to disappear  Don't get me wrong, they're great, but honestly, who would donate to a "Save the Topiary"  charity. No one. That's who. Let's save baby dolphins with broken fins instead.

 

 Retraction:

Moments after writing the above, I found the following photos, and realized I was grossly mistaken.

Who cares about broken baby dolphins anyway? This is amazing! It's a family of elephants and the Loch Ness Monster. If your jaw isn't on the floor, I'll break some dolphin fins. 

Titanic

It was over 14 years ago. An 8 year old with sensitive nerves who spent many nights on her parents floor, attempting to sleep through her overly-paranoid imagination. It was me. As I sat on the end of my parents' bed alone one Sunday night, I watched the 56th annual Golden Globe Awards. The Nominees for Best Picture: "Amistad", "The Boxer", "Good Will Hunting", "L.A. Confidential", but the winner is "Titanic". I don't actually remember the nominees, all I remember is that Titanic was the biggest movie ever, and that I didn't want to see it. It was too scary. Leonardo Dicaprio's name would forever be emblazoned in my memory from that time forward, known as the hunk that played the hero in "Titanic", never actually knowing his character's name. As I watched, and they played clips from the movie, the made-up replications of horrific true events flashing on the screen. Then it struck: the frosty dead bodies floating in the water. My face went white. I most likely didn't sleep in my own bed that night, every time I closed my eyes seeing the actors in the seemingly frozen water, sprayed with non-toxic foam makeup. It all seemed so real, so life, or dead-like. The next morning I sat eating my breakfast. Frosted Mini-Wheats. As I got to the last few pieces of cereal, I looked down at the frosted rectangles floating slowly in the water. Reminded of the frozen bodies, I abandoned my cereal bowl, never really forgetting the nauseous feeling in my stomach. So as "Titanic" in 3D comes out this weekend, I won't be seeing it. As far as I'm concerned, I've smelled, tasted, heard, felt and seen it in Real-D already.

Sometimes I think "That was so clever. I wish someone was around to hear it." Oh well. Welcome to the mind and times of Catherine.

Pinterest.

Colossal waste of time. Worth it? In the long run? No.F or instant gratification? Yes. I have done a few things on Pinterest that I am actually pretty proud of. For instance, I made a couple of t-shirts which are pretty bad. (Bad meaning good in this sense.) I tried making a scarf out of an old t-shirt. Even though the t-shirt had holes, I still think it would have been better to leave it as a tee in this case. It looked like I was wearing rags around my neck. Headband, cinnamon wreath roles, caramel and chocolate covered pretzels were also on my list of victories. However there are things on Pinterest that I see that just scream "I have nothing but time, and no shame." For instance: who needs a crocheted balloon cover? What does it even do? It would probably take you longer to make the crocheted balloon cover than the length of time the balloon stayed inflated.(Update: apparently the balloon covers are for letting kids play with them as balls. Go buy your kid a ball. Can you say "Waste of time, energy, and effort?") Come on people. Here's another favorite I found. Photo shown below. Crocheted elf slippers. Really? You spend 4 weeks on those and wear them, what? 20 minutes a year?

Hunger Games.

Seriously. I'm so psyched. There was this poll on IMDB.com that asked "Will the Hunger Games be better than Twilight?" Well, all I can say is: How could it POSSIBLY be any worse? "You lied to everyone! Charlie..." Sorry wolf-boy. That's only one person. Better start writing down those few and far-between thoughts of yours.

BTR.

If you know what I'm talking about, you are either 13 years old or my sister. Big Time Rush. It's a Nickelodeon show, and I love it. It is so funny. I think some people just don't have the sophisticated humor palette that I do though. Not the point. The point is I've never been to a concert before, and I am going to theirs in July. That's right. If you are watching Nickelodeon

and see a promo for a Big Time Rush concert with a girl who looks like me wearing an "I heart Logan" shirt- well let me just remove all doubt- it's probably me. Kelsey is getting tickets and I am going to be in the front touching hands with the coolest boy band since The Monkees.

The Monkees.

Here we come, walking down the street... as pole bearers for Davy Jones. Oh Davy. You were always my favorite. Your British accent and tambourine skills were like no other. I didn't realize when I had such a crush on you that you were older than my own parents, but I'll let that go for now. I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right about living in a world without Davy Jones. Is it because of his locker and that my nickname is Crakin? Ok, maybe not. Give me a break, I'm trying to be heart-felt here.

Disneyland.

I went to Disneyland with my sister Elizabeth the other... month? Does that sound right?Whatever, it was last month. So much fun. The only drawback was that Matterhorn was closed, but Big Thunder Mountain was open, and we went on that like 8 times, so we're good. We went to the "Blue Bayou" restaurant, which was delicious, though the prices made me want to vomit. Oh well, it was a one time thing. Also, Elizabeth told them it was my birthday so they gave me a chocolate mousse. I was glad they didn't ask for my I.D. I would have had to tell them the truth- that my sister is a liar, and if anyone deserved to be kicked out of Disneyland, it was her. I was also glad there were no singing pirates. Elizabeth was disappointed. I think that may have been the only reason she wanted to go there at all.

I spent too much money on their incredibly inflated prices, and I was happy about it. Figures. Let me just tell you one thing though. Do not buy green cotton candy, expecting it to taste good. I'll tell you again. DO NOT buy green cotton candy. It is... (I don't know how to make a gagging sound). It was gross. I don't even know what flavor they were shooting for. There's this saying I made up though. It goes "When in doubt, get the pink kind. It's safer." It's not very catchy, but you'll never forget it.

Famous.

That's right. Soon, I may be famous. You know those promos they do on Disney Channel where there are these geeky DC stars over-acting in an attempt show off the new ride or attraction? I saw one happening right there in Disneyland. We didn't recognize the stars, apparently they are on some kind of web show. Or maybe a future Disney Channel show. Anyway, I was walking with Elizabeth, and I don't know how she looked, but I was looking right into the camera as I walked sideways past, with that squinty eyed, jaw dropped expression like "What the heck..." Also like "I'm completely incoherent right now". Right after I walked past, the director yelled, "We got it!" I think they meant "We got another moron on tape! We can post it on Youtube now!" They probably just had the actors as decoys to draw people in.

Committee.

I am on 2 committees in my ward. I was thinking about the origin of the words. I am pretty sure it began as some commies drinking tea, who were trying to figure out how to take over the world. The spelling got mixed up in translation and eventually the communists drinking tea were forgotten (must have been British commies, not that memorable) and now we have committees. So, in conclusion, I think we should boycott committees all together. The word boycott is a whole different story. It happened when a British boy was supposed to be at the communist meeting and fell asleep- hence the cot. Therefore they thought he was going against, or boycotting the meeting. It all makes so much more sense now.

You know you're a ...

You know how they make those lists of "You know you're a (blank) when..."? For example: You know you're from Washington when: You can pronounce the city name Puyallup. They don't say "Partly cloudy" on the weather report, but instead say "Partly sunny". Well I made up a new one. It goes a little something like this (Holla to my pals "The Fresh Beat Band"):

You know you're a Gosney when:

You yell at neighborhood cats to "Run for your lives!" and mean it.

You consider brussel sprouts a treat.

You thought board games were not allowed at FHE, but then found out your mom just hated them.

You're the only one who doesn't offer to ride in the rear facing seat of that old station wagon.

Someone asks you for the "stick" and you don't look for a piece of wood.

You laugh at the very mention of a wizard staff.

You know almost the entire poem "The Walrus and the Carpenter" from memory.

You know every word to every "Newsies" song.

You were sung to sleep by dad singing, "The Chocolate Ice-Cream Cone" song.

I have more, but they involve segregating us into senior and junior Gosney kids.

That's all for today. Tune in next time for "You know you're a Mormon when..."