Which brings me to my next subject...

Pulling Teeth.

Getting my friends to write e-mails is like pulling teeth... wisdome teeth... the kind that you have to break their teeth and cut open thier mouth just to get out. Impacted. That's it. Getting my friends to write me is like pulling impacted teeth right out of thier skull. Seriously.

Robbed.

So the other day I walked into my room and thought "Oh no! I've been robbed!" Then I looked more closely and realized that it was just because I hadn't picked up my room. Basically it was the same as always.

I'll admit the picture doesn't really go with this segment, but I couldn't find a plain burlap bag. So either you get coffee beans or kids jumping around in the sack during a sack race. I figured it was easier to imagine that the beans were like gold pieces... because I have a ton of those sitting around my room.

What gets to me more than the fact that I can't find a picture of a plain burlap sack, is that this picture has a decal over it, like someone was going to go and reproduce it and say they took the picture. It's a SACK OF COFFEE BEANS. I promise, I did not take this picture, and take no credit for it.

Children's Programming.

Basically, kid's shows are just teaching children that people are always going to wait like FIVE MINUTES for an answer. I can't stand them. It's like "Hey, let's make THE most annoying characters, so that adults who have to watch this show with thier kids go CRAZY."

3 Musketeers.

Ok, so this photo shows 4 musketeers, but I figure the nancy boy in the blue is probably Dartanion (sp?). Anyway, I was thinking, shouldn't the 3 musketeers have muskets? Shouldn't they be called the 3 sword-cateers if they are going to sword fight? It just doesn't make sense. I guess they didn't have muskets back then- or did they?- but still they shouldn't have named the musket what they did. It just confuses those who like to spend time thinking about it.

Cup theory.

You know those cup holders at fast food places for more than one drink? I think that instead of plates, people should just use cups. That way, none of your food get's mixed together, and your food isn't going to slide off the edge if you are being reckless. The person who took this picture knew what I was talking about.

Beverages.

Which brings me to my next topic: beverages. I like soy milk. I don't know why. All the signs tell me that I shouldn't. For instance, it's made of soy. Isn't tofu made of soy? That should tip me off right there, yet it's so delicious I can hardly resist. I don't like regular milk, so it's a good thing soy milk is "calcium fortified". Dodged a bullet there.

Love- hate relationships.

I have been discovering some of my own personal love-hate relationships.
First off: movies. Nothing happens in real life like in the movies. It stinks. You think "Cool. I wish that would happen to me." Well, get over it, and get a reality check, because I am here to guarantee you that it will never happen that way.

So, I love movies, because they are entertaining, but I hate them because I realize it won't happen, and I've been given false hope. This doesn't apply to all movies however, for instance, action movies are fun to watch, but you don't want to be in thier situation, so they are just a love- love situation.
Books are even worse. It's the same story. Ha ha. Well, not literally, but they also give false hope. Puh huh. Then there's the fact that if it's a series, you may love the book, but you hate the wait for the next book. So that parts not actually the book's fault... it's the authors.
















Roundabout.

I hate roundabouts. If I was allowed to swear, it would be in a roundabout... at the people who don't know how to use them.







Knight.

Have you ever had a phrase that you really wanted to use, but knew you'd probably never have a chance to use it? Mine is:
"Thou Recreant Knight!" I don't know exactly how anyone would use it actually, becuase it's a sentance fragment, but I really want to just yell it at someone, preferably a man on a horse... who is wearing armor.




The Squire's Tale:

Which brings me to my next subject. This is a good book. I promote it whole-heartedly, and all of it's sequels. Though, it may be hard to remember the whole title of these books, with titles like "The Squire, His Knight and His Lady", and the longest, "The Princess, the Crone and the Dung-Cart Knight". They are worth it though.










Which brings me to my last subject. I have decided who the perfect guy is, and I'll tell you.
His name is Jasedterlinfiyeris. You see, he is a combination of the following:
Jasper from Twilight, for his charm and because he's just cool.
Edward, from Twilight, for his good looks, and... well everything else.
Terence from "The Squire, His Knight and His lady" because he's hilarious.
Gaheris from "The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf" becuase he's protective.
Fiyero from "Wicked" because he's accepting.
Link Larkin from "Hairspray" because duh, he can sing.

Gee Wiz.

Dissapointment.

So, there is a Harry Potter 6 teaser trailer out. Don't go rushing to your nearest search engine though. It was a major dissapointment. It is 22 seconds of dumb...ness. I'll tell it to you play by play. First it has like 6 or 7 seconds of the "this preview has been approved for all audiences". Then there was Dumbledore's voice saying something like "Once again Harry, I have to ask to much of you." Then there was the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince logo. Then it ended. No pictures, no other voices, nothing. Pathetic. I couldn't believe it.

Oh and P.S. Dumbledore isn't gay. JK Rowling doesn't know what the HECK she is talking about.

Extra.

"Extra" gum is gross. So, that's added to my list of gross gum.

Fair.

So, we went to the county fair tonight. It was... gross. In other words, I dislike animals... immensly. Though I have wanted to learn to ride a horse... or tapdance.

Remakes.

We are watching Disney Channel right now. There is a girl singing "That's How You Know" completely different from the original. That came out what, like 7 months ago? They already made a remake of that song! I mean come on. Remakes are just ways of avoiding creativity. Or hiding the fact that you don't have any. Tut tut. What is this world coming to?

Go Meat.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard the commercial for Hillshire Farms. The one that starts out "Go meat!". Oh buddy. So now I have that, then the Mickey Mouse Club House theme song, and the "Yeah Boy" Dr. Pepper commercial stuck in my head constantly. Not to mention "SchoolHouse Rock" songs galore. Interplanet Janet, and the number 8 song mostly. Those are two of my favorites.

Battery.

The battery light on my computer is on constantly now. Orange. Flashing. It's Maddening!

Disney Channel.

They have really let the quality of disney Channel go down. What happened to good shows like "Even Stevens" or... I'm sure there was another one. "Phil of the Future" was pretty good, but it didn't last long. The best one on Disney Channel now is "Wizards of Waverly Place". And half the time I can't even take that one.

Superheroes, and other, not so super people.

And finally, what's with those superheroes that think they can get away wearing glasses, or a little tiny mask? For instance:

Mr. Incredible

Superman

Hannah Montana, though she can't possibly be considered a superhero. Maybe I should have said people with aliases.

I mean, come on you just have to look at thier face, and then you'll be able to tell who they are. And what about the fact that people would be following them all the time. How do they get home without being seen? SO unrealistic. I guess I mostly talked about this because of Hannah Montana. Probably because she bugs me... a lot.

Linner, Dinner, Lunch, Dunch.

I ate breakfast at noon, and it was an apple. So, I am making a hamburger right now, and it's 3 o'clock. I decided it wasn't dinner, it wasn't lunch, then I started this chant in my head of "Linner, dinner, lunch dunch." You have to say it fast. Then that reminded me of when you win at black jack, how they say "Winner, winner, chicken dinner." If you haven't heard it before, you don't play black jack, which is good, but you should watch more movies. It comes from when they first started playing black jack, the loser would have to buy the winner a chicken for his dinner. Ok, I'll admit, I just made all that up. Well, they really do say that, but I don't know why. I am saying all of this to try to explain why I ask random questions sometimes, to explain the complexity of the process. Where do you get a random question from? I believe there is no such thing as a random question, just random people. Just like those stupid smily faces. Does this really look like anything? ;) I think we were really reaching for entertainment when we made those things up. You want to know what I think of those smily things? >:(

Now you know why I don't talk a lot.

Next time someone says "I know a guy." to you, implying that he has "connections", you should just say, "Hey, me too." That'd be funny. Then you could tell other people that, and you could collect money for, lets say, hard to get tickets, or something else, nothing illegal of course, and take off with it. You wouldn't be lying about knowing a guy, I mean who doesn't? Of course you would be stealing... but you could mumble something about "no guarantees" and it wouldn't be so bad.

So, until next time, I will continue thinking about how to rip people off and other such nonsence. -Catherine

Speeches, mints, and so much more.

I've come up with a new catch-phrase. You say it like "Hot dang!" But instead, you say, "Hot Snot!" It's like a combination of "Hot Dang", and "Holy Snot!". I don't really know if other people say that, but my family does. Here is the diagram of what you are supposed to do when you say it. You raise one of your arms, make a fist, and bring it down on "snot". I just realized how dignified this is.

The other day I realized that my computer's battery life has gone from 7 minutes, to 30 seconds. I don't know when it happened, but it concerns me. Pretty soon it's not even going to turn on because it can't suck enough power out of the wall. Or wherever it comes from.

I've been reading this article that was written by Henry David Thoreau. It's long. But I have found that if you read a speech out loud, with an accent, it's much more entertaining. Though you probably won't be able to remember anything you just read, it's still worth it, since, in this case, I wouldn't have remembered anything anyway.





Apparently, in our local newspaper, there is a cat journlist. Though, I'm having my doubts as to the fact if it is really a cat. I'll have to investigate. I can't help thinking of a cat with glasses, whose picture is above his newspaper column though.












I got a snow cone yesterday. I thought they were supposed to be like chunky, but apparently they have some new revolutionary mechanism to make the ice like actual SNOW. It's quite delicious. I really like the snow just plain. That's right, I know a person, who happens to own a snow cone shack, and she let me have FREE snow. Just the snow though. I don't know about the flavoring. Anyway, it was fun cause our friend was working, so we stood out there and talked to her for like 2 hours. A lady who was buying one worked at a bridal shop and asked if me or Candace was getting married anytime soon. I'm pretty sure my face said, "Are you crazy?" without any words actually coming out.






I had to watch "Footloose" for my civics class. It had something to do with standing up for your rights. Yeah, they were reaching.










I have a goal for the end of the year. I have decided to own 10 water bottles by the end of 2008. I currently have 4. Technically I have 5, but the fifth one was given to me by dad, and he has a reputation as an indian giver. Just kidding.... kind of.








I went golfing with dad the other day. Who knew I could actually improve from not playing for almost a year?
























It's just like the gum epidemic all over again, except not. These are delicious and not poisoned. I think I may have felt sick because I ate almost an entire pack of the strawberry ones in the timespan of just a few hours.






When I become rich, I am going to buy a country with a state that is called "Mind". Then the governor can say "Hi, I'm the governor of the state of Mind." They'll think he's so mysterious and cool.

Tut tut...

I dont' get it. Why are all the celebrations for the 4th of July on the third? Our fireworks are on the third, and it seemed like everyone on our block was having a party. Then there was the Stadium of Fire on the third, or at least I think it was. If we are going to celebrate a holiday, why celebrate it early. It defeats the purpose of having it on a certain day.

So, the other day I went down the road by our house, but I went further and there's a trail there that goes right down to the river. It kind of looks like this... except for the trees are replaced with dead bushes and the rocks are dirt. And the water is brown.

We were watchingGlen Beck the other day, and I heard him say something about teenagers who thought about others before themselves. I thought for a moment, was I one of those people? I thought that I would rather die, than someone close to me die, but would I, lets say, offer the last cookie to someone before I ate it? Thinking about this, I decided no. If they wanted the cookie, they would have to pry it from my hands. I wasn’t giving a cookie away without a fight. It would no longer be a matter of thinking of others before myself, but survival of the fittest. Then I thought about that and decided, if I was fighting that hard for a cookie, I probably wouldn’t be fit at all.

This is an outrage. When I say describe Harry Potter, you say, "He has black messy hair, and dark green eyes." HOWEVER I have recently discovered, after carefull examination, that the media has taken over not only our world, but the world of Harry Potter. They have ruined the whole image that is Harry Potter. Observe-






Those eyes are not green. They are aqua. You may not be able to see it clearly in this picture, but believe me, I have looked at the actual DVD cover and they are not green.







Then, they take a drastic turn, maing his eyes brown. Can you believe it? I can't. It's absurd. How dare they take his image into thier own hands, when the author has so made it clear that his eyes are green.
















BLUE. I just can't take it. It's making me sick.










This one just kills me. It is like they emphasized the eyes just to get on my nerves. Are you seeing this? If you can't, trust me, I've seen the case, and it's like they purposely illuminated the blue.

Oh buddy. I loved this movie. Maybe it was because of the action. Maybe it was because of the romance. It could be because of the special effects. But it was probably because of Edward Norton. He is so cool. Now I just really have to see Iron Man before it leaves all the theaters.

Funny Story

So, here's a funny story. I was reading this for a class. School. I know right? Anyway, I thought this was pretty hilarious. I don't know if it is legal for me to post this, but it was from a newspaper so I figured, it's OK. If there are any complaints, let me know. No takers? OK, well then enjoy.

Gifted
DAVE BARRY
When I was a small boy, gift shopping was simple, because I had very few people to buy gifts for, and once I found a gift that worked, I stuck with it, year after year. For example, I always gave my father a belt. I got it at the five-and-ten-cent store for about a dollar. It was made from what appeared to be genuine hand-tooled cardboard. I doubt that my father ever wore any of these belts, because if the humidity got over 50 percent they would dissolve. But it never occurred to me to wonder whether my father needed a belt; all I knew was that belts were in my price range, and he always said thank you.
I always gave my mother a little bottle of toilet water, which also cost about a dollar. At first I believed that this was water from an actual toilet, and I had no idea what she was supposed to do with it. But it came in a nice bottle, and it was also in my price range, and my mother always acted thrilled, holding the bottle up for general admiration.
"Look what Davey got me!" she'd exclaim, in a voice containing no hint of the fact that this was the fourth consecutive Christmas she’d received it. "Toilet water!"
I usually made Christmas gifts for my sister. One year I made her a paperweight by getting some clay and letting it harden, thereby forming a hardened lump of clay.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A paperweight," I said.
"Thank you," she said, which I now realize was very gracious of her. It was not as if the lack of a good paperweight had left a gaping hole in her life.

Another year I made her a bookmark. It looked very much like an ordinary strip of construction paper, but the trained eye could tell it was a bookmark, because on it were written, in crayon, the words BOOKMARK. I am sure she couldn't wait to finish opening her other presents so she could race to her room and mark some books.
The point is, gift-giving was simple for me then. As you have no doubt noticed, the older you get, and the more obligations you develop, the more complex the gift-giving becomes. This is especially true if you have children on your gift list. Meeting the gift needs of a single modern child requires an effort of roughly the same magnitude as the Normandy Invasion.'
You parents know what I'm talking about. You know what it means to race from store to store, looking desperately for the Number-One Item on your eight-year-old son's wish list, namely the Official NASA Model Junior Space Shuttle, which takes seventeen years to assemble and leaks real hydrogen. You know what it means to get into a semi violent dispute with another parent over who gets to purchase the only remaining model of the heavily advertised hot new toy concept Baby Fester Face ("The Doll with Open Sores That Really Run!"), which your five-year-old daughter has informed you she absolutely MUST have this year, and if she doesn’t get it, she's going to put her own self up for adoption.
But at least children know what they want. It's much harder to decide what to get for grown-ups, who almost never know what they want, which is why we generally wind up giving them stupid things. For example, men are always getting cologne. I have never, in my whole life, heard a man express even the slightest interest in cologne. But most of us have numerous bottles of it, dating back to the Johnson administration.2
What do men really want? I am generalizing here, of course, but I’d say that what men really want is to be left alone at key moments. For example, if you're in a relationship with a man, and you have decided, after much thought, that the two of you need to have a long, probing conversation in which you both sincerely try to understand each other’s innermost feelings, then the man would consider it a wonderful gift if you would NOT announce your decision during an important televised football game (defined as "any televised football game").
Another great gift for a guy would be to tell him that you took the car in and had the oil changed AND the tires rotated.

But usually what we get is cologne.
What women really want, of course, is for men to share their innermost feelings. So what most men give them is appliances. I was guilty of this for many years, until I realized that although my wife could appreciate a fine appliance, she couldn’t really cherish it. You never see scenes like this in the movies:
BRAD: Well, Dorothy, I'm off to the war.
DOROTHY: Oh, Brad, please be careful!
BRAD: I shall, Dorothy. But just in case I don't come back, I want you to have this.
DOROTHY: (tears of happiness streaming down her face:)Oh, Brad! It's a General Electric
Coffee Maker with 12-Cup Capacity and Auto-Timer Function!
I have gradually learned that, as a rule, women prefer romantic items, which can be defined as "items that are small but cost a lot and do not have plugs," such as jewelry. The ultimate romantic gift for a woman would be a single molecule of some extremely expensive substance in a tiny cherishable box.
But you'll probably get her a Water Pik, you dork.